I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
