I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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