ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
