she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
