Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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