Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
