My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
