I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
