And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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