Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
