I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
