You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
