How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
