Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
