Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
