I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
