my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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