If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
