New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
