Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
