i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize