i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
