his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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