Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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