I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
