Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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