i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
