i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im part way to drunk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
