ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
