He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
