1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
