Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
