no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
