Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize