Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
