i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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