I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize