Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
