My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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