Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
