Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
