I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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