M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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