There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
