I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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