your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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