Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
