i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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