and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
