Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He? As in you personified your dick?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
