Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
