I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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