I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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