Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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