Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
