I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
