my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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