Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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