He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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