My first STD was from a foam party
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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