So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
