i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
