Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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