I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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