I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
