He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
