My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
