if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
