Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize