i think my mom watched the whole time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
