Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
