My first STD was from a foam party
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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