can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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