I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
