it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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