I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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